Monday, May 23, 2011

The Pilot Episode: Things you may have missed.

I'm warning you.  This blog is a glimpse into my mind.  And as such, you will not get progression (Well, not always, I may get it going a time or two).  You will not necessarily get all my thoughts on the same issue at the same time.  You will not get an unbiased opinion on anything.  You will not always get grammatically correct sentences because I have an English degree which affords me the right to abuse the language and call it art.

You will get drama.  Like, stories told with the most hyperbole ever!!!!  You will get sarcasm.  You will get lame reality TV jokes and references.  You will get to know my kids.  You will adore them.  You will learn that you must tell me I'm good and give me gold stars just for doing my job or I get low self-esteem. 

I realized after my last post that I had never explained the why? of this blog.  My first ever post was a little background and info on the main topic.  Instead, I should have told you what my point is.  (Sometimes I have one; sometimes I don't.)  

To be honest, I'm writing this blog because my mom told me I had to.  Seriously.  She did.  She had a great point.  She thought I would be able to let friends back home know what we were up to and learn about our life in Poland.  She also thought it would be a great record for me to have later.  (Actually, she wants me to make it a book.  A bestseller.  Because my mom thinks I'm awesome.)  It would serve as a glimpse into all the thoughts and feelings and ups and downs we went through on this journey.  So, that is why I'm doing this.

Back to the topic of my last blog(which got erased and may not be missed due to its tone)....a couple of people have told me it made them sad.  For me.  And my sad sackness.  Well, I am pathetic at times, but that was not the tone I was working towards.  I was really hoping you'd get the reflection aspect and know we had faced those problems and were working on them and moving on to other things. 

I'm not miserable here.  I was.  I ain't gonna lie.  The first 6 weeks or more sucked.  I would have written about it then but was afraid my husband would have freaked out and sent me back to Texas to chill the hell out.  I knew he was stressed too and felt solely responsible for our family being here even though we both made the decision. I for sure will try to write about those first days when I can.  I'm just worried that reliving the negative will make me negative now.  That's how I am.  My brain seizes negative thoughts and holds on tight.

The reality is that I love it here and am sad here every day.  Some days it's more one than the other.  Some days it's all one feeling not the other.  It has been tough for all the reasons my husband and I talked about before we said yes.  But just because we talked about them and were aware of them doesn't mean they don't still take work to get through.  We left a great life.  I wasn't searching for a new one; I was hoping to add to the full one.  I was excited to make this happen for my kids.  I am who I am today because of the moving around I've done in my life, and moving internationally would be such a chance for them to learn about who they are.  

I wish I had a twitter account.  Or could give you instant access to my brain.  (Mostly because I'm lazy and terrible at writing every day.)  Then, the moment I drive by the pier and see no less than 5 different kinds of boats/ships as well as people walking and sunning and smile to myself, you'd know about my life.  You'd see that it is made of many moments, not just the sad ones.

Let's end with a promise.  I promise too do more good stuffs.  I promise to tone down the drama.  But I also reserve the right to go back to it at any time if I want to be funny or if you really must know that I'm sad/mad/glad/turned into a Dr. Suess book.  You promise to picture me telling you these things in person so you can watch my face and hear my voice and know I'm just reliving a single moment in time.


Shelley said...

Get a twitter account! You are SO cut out for a twitter account! The old blog didn't make me sad because it was sarcastic, and I know sarcasm makes you happy (and me too, actually). :-) Miss you!

John said...

Good words to live by. Remember we become the stories we tell ourselves. The messages we hear from even our loved ones aren't as powerful as the ones we tell ourselves over and over. Remember too, you arrived in the teeth of winter. Not the best time to start an adventure.

Niki said...

Be true to yourself and don't worry about how others perceive your words. There's no doubt that picking up your life and moving to a new country are hard, and to pretend otherwise would be foolish. I enjoy reading what you have to say, no matter the topic!

Betty said...

Yes Stephanie, you are a very good writer and I love reading your thoughts and go for it....
Going to Poland can be an adventure for you and Michael and Jack and Alex... Enjoy the time to listen to your little ones and see the beauty in every thing you see and touch.
Write these adventures down for you and yes for all of us so we can enjoy the ride with you...
Think postive and smile that pretty smile and look at the moon and star and know everyone here miss you all and prays for your enjoyment.